West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
