Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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