he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
