Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
