i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
