epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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