she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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