I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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