Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
