I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
