wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
