College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
