'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
