I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
