so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
