I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
