But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
