Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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