You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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