She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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