I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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