My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
