wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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