quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
