You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
