I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
