he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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