I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
