Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
