you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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