oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
