I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
