I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
