Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
