My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You were trust falling into bushes
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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