Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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