Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
