When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
