Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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