We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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