His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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