I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
