why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
