Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
