we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
