I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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