Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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