Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
