Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
