His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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