I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
