I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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